


I Think the Best Way to End Things is with the Truth

by siir_hootsalot



Category: Haikyuu!!
Genre: Character Death, Implied/Referenced Suicide, Letters, M/M, Suicidal Thoughts, Suicide Notes, Terminal Illnesses
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-11-02
Updated: 2020-11-02
Packaged: 2021-03-08 18:49:05
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 702
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27351484
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/siir_hootsalot/pseuds/siir_hootsalot
Summary: "I knew everything. I knew the scent of your pain and the taste of your sorrows. I didn't understand then, but I know now, at least a little. I know what that's like. I know of the thoughts of the end to it all and I know of the urge to write out your final thoughts before you put an end to yourself. So here I am. Writing out these thoughts but not in an entirely traditional way. Not in the same way you did."Around a year after the death of his Bestfriend Oikawa, Iwaizumi writes a letter to him speaking of what Oikawa couldn't witness.
Relationships: Iwaizumi Hajime & Oikawa Tooru, Iwaizumi Hajime/Oikawa Tooru
Kudos: 14





	I Think the Best Way to End Things is with the Truth

Dear Oikawa, 

I remember that conversation. That one that happened last spring, you know it well. I remember you speaking as if it were your last words as if you had nothing to lose. You didn’t. You died the next night. I wish I would have known what you planned on doing. I wish I would have known that you had no intent to see that one tomorrow and all the ones after that. I wish I would have known that you were suffering. I’m not sure if I would have been able to help had I known but as I read the note that was placed on your bed, I knew. 

I knew everything. I knew the scent of your pain and the taste of your sorrows. I didn’t understand then, but I know now, at least a little. I know what that’s like. I know of the thoughts of the end to it all and I know of the urge to write out your final thoughts before you put an end to yourself. So here I am. Writing out these thoughts but not in an entirely traditional way. Not in the same way you did. 

I have no intent to end my life. I don’t want to die, truly. But I don’t control the way of the universe and I did not choose to get diagnosed with some terminal illness that will probably take my life soon, just like you took your own. I would go on in detail about the illness and how it has been affecting me and blah blah but to be honest I don’t pay attention when the doctor speaks. I only hear my due date. I have at most 3 months which is not a long time. But over the past year, after your end, I’ve come to terms with my death, maybe because I will get to see you. Because I truly miss you.

I did not cry at your funeral you know. I stood in front of the casket, mostly in shock because none of it felt real. It didn’t hit me then. It actually didn't hit for a while. I was in denial. Each day as school started I would wait for you to walk in those doors, hoping that your death would have just been a cruel joke and that you were actually alive. But as I retired from the volleyball team it became all too real. When I said goodbye to my former teammates and you were neither among them or by my side it hit me, that you were truly gone and I would never be able to see you again. So there I was, shaking hands with all the teary-eyed people who just thought they were saying goodbye to the third years but I was saying goodbye to you. I broke down. On my hands and knees in the middle of the gym, in tears. When everyone else came over to see what was wrong all I could say was, “He’s gone…” It wasn’t even in one piece, it was a broken phrase and all I could do was scream that while everyone gathered around me, all confused. 

Wow, writing all this out is rough. I want you to know, even if you won’t know any of this because well, you’re dead and I doubt you can read this, that I love you. It took me a while to come to terms with that even. Wow, I guess I’m in denial with everything huh. Well, putting it into words I guess all I can say is, I couldn’t figure out why it was so difficult to accept you being gone, I couldn’t figure out why I had so much trouble with what you said, the last thing you said to me but I think I’d call it love, because that’s all that makes sense. 

I don’t know what else to say to you so I think I’ll end it here. As you said, “I think the best way to end things is with the truth.” So here it is, the truth, I love you Tooru Oikawa, hopefully, I’ll see you at the end of these 3 months. 

-Iwaizumi

**Author's Note:**

> Thank you for reading! Please tell me what you thought!


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